Waiting. (Insert angry face)

Wasn't planning on posting tonight but when it's 1:07a and your heart is heavy... This is what I do. 

It's been pretty quiet here lately. We did have another situation arise but we had to decline. The cost was far beyond our means. 

Meanwhile we wait. Every single day feels like Christmas or the night before your birthday or the last day of school. Then the following day goes by and it's like your sick and had to reschedule or cancelled the party. Then it all starts over again. I can't tell you how often I pray for a phone call or email. Not even a yes just a hey we've got something for you... 

It's hard. I don't know how to explain it but it's hard. I wonder a lot what God's thinking. What his plans are. Then I relax a bit and take a seat. Then I realize how old I am and how many children we discussed having by this age.

 Me. Me. Me. It's not about me. It's about Him. 

This is His assignment for us. We're just waiting for the next part of the syllabus.

I'm growing more and more impatient as the days pass. I could use some advice as to change my heart. I've even asked for signs but I must be missing them as I've seen nothing.

It's about time to start thinking about renewing our homestudy as it expires in January. 

I'm also starting to work on our Both Hands template letter. 

Idle hands...

Love you all. This might not make much sense in the morning but at least I got a few things out of my mind so I can get some rest. 

Hello!

We reached summer vacation back before Memorial Day! We've since gone on vacation to Florida, Louisiana, and Texas. We got to spend some amazing time with my parents and Rob's brother and sister-in-law. 

Now that we're back I'll update you all. 

While in Florida we applied to and were accepted to Christian Adoption Consultants. We're working with a wonderful consultant names Leah Braly. They will help us by significantly speeding up the matching process because of their amazing networking abilities. Problem. By joining this firm our cost for adoption has gone up from $10,000 to $25,000+. We currently have saved up $8,000 after having spent $2,300 to Christian Adoption Consultants. New agencies in their network will cost application fees as well but happily many have waived the fee because we are clients of Christian Adoption Consultants. 

That being said this weekend we raised $423.39 completing a yard sale! We have yet to get going on the Both Hands project. We are getting behind but we have been busy. We had to replace the carpeting in our living room with Pergo flooring. Then we had to do some much needed chores inside and outside of the house. We've updated our adoption profile book and have decided to change companies so that we have a digital copy to send out. So many projects so little time remaining as I go back to work August 15th and the kids go back to school August 17th.

Rob and I are also trying to enjoy moments together as a family. At the Yard sale Jackson was very verbal in sharing our adoption information with everyone who visited. He was such a great help! Lydia was a seller, just like her Daddy. 

Thank you all for coming out this weekend! Hope to see you again in the future!

God Bless- 

Update

It's been about a month since I last posted. We barely met our goal with our tshirt sale. Shirts are in the mail and we're working to get a tax ID number so that we can receive the near $100 we made!! So exciting! 

We've also opened an official bank account through WesBanco called "Stokes Adoption Fund". 

Together we raised $256 dollars to add to the growing amount.  

With spring quickly approaching we're beginning to take a much closer look at our Both Hands Mission project. We're searching for a Dayton area widow who needs some help around and outside of the house. If you know of anyone, please send us an email at stokesrelgj@gmail.com. 

Thanks!! ❤️

T-shirt time!!!

We're selling t-shirts! Check out our link:

https://www.bonfirefunds.com/the-stokes-adoption 

Thanks so much! Like, sell, share!! ❤️

 Phil4:6 don't worry about anything, but instead pray about everything: tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for His answers.

Chores and more Chores

It's Saturday morning! This morning we slept in to a healthy 6:45. Did I mention my babes typically sleep in until 9?! 

All is quiet on the home front. Just doing the Saturday chores biding our time until Dad gets home from work. Then a shopping trip is in order- the grocery. A very relaxed and laid back weekend, just the way I like it! 

Pity Party for 1.

I've just been rockin' the baby fever here lately. I know the cure but it's not our turn. Yet. Waiting is hard especially in the day and age when everything is so instant and past paced. Another kicker? We received formula samples in the mail this week. Originally meant for Joanna. I miss being pregnant with all the little kicks and hick ups. Everything is so scary. I miss the days of my first pregnancy when I was naïve and everything was perfect. Nothing has been the same since. Even adoption is extremely stressful. I had a feeling we'd be matched by now and have our perfect little bit in our arms by now and Joanna would be due in a month and a half. Sigh. I guess this has turned into more of a pity party post which I don't want it to be. 

So I find myself reminding myself: 

Excerpt from my devotional February 1st "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. Thank you so much to a friend who shared this with me at work. I went out and bought the devotional for a friend and myself the very same day. Everyday has spoken to me. It's been a real blessing. 

Partial notes from let week's sermon.  I'm learning new and new. I pray God has sent us angels and they are helping us and watching over those in need tonight. ❤️

Money. I hate it.

It stings, it's harsh and there's no way to take it back once it's been said. "So if you don't have any money for yourselves then why are you adopting?"

My husband has been the one having to field this question. More than once. Some mean it to be mean and others are curious. 

We love children. We love our kids and have always wanted a large family. We as you've read and experienced in recent events aren't able to make that happen. God is still guiding us to adopt. Our hearts and family still feel very much incomplete. 

Since it's full disclosure. We have money. We have money for ourselves. Our bills are paid. There's plenty of food on the table. My children want for nothing. 

But we still struggle. We can't do or get everything that we want. No matter how strong the need or want is. 

It's frustrating that we can't just run out and buy Rob a car when his was totaled last month. We struggle with the fact that we can't just write a check for the adoption should it occur tomorrow. So we're working a budget. Dave Ramsey. We're putting away all we can so we can make these two things happen. My husband is working 6 days a week- 10 hour shifts to help. We miss him more than words and he struggles with will it ever be enough? 

Our debts are: our mortgage, a car payment and one credit card that has a balance of $535. When the tax refund arrives the credit card balance will be paid, the gas for our trip and groceries/restaurant bills will be set aside* and what's left will go towards the adoption fund and a car. (*see below)

God has always given us what we need.  

*Yes we're going to Flordia this summer and will be spending one day at Disney. We have a timeshare. It's costing us $500 for 7 day vacation. We received tickets to Disney as a Christmas present. We're being frugal on our trip. Our goal is to eat out twice during the entire trip not including the day at Disney. Disney's meals are paid for- again we received gift cards for Christmas. We plan on utilizing the resort's amenities that are free being that we are owners. Our condo has an oven, stove and microwave. 

Why am I explaining this to you? Because I know we will be judged. Our timeshare will cost us the same money whether we use it or not. 

So why are we adopting? Because we have an ache in our hearts that longs to be filled. We're obeying God's word. We love family.

It'll be ok.  

The wait will be worth it. 

The struggle will be forgotten. 

Our hearts will be filled. 

And would we do it again? Yes. Without a second thought. Yes.