Money. I hate it.

It stings, it's harsh and there's no way to take it back once it's been said. "So if you don't have any money for yourselves then why are you adopting?"

My husband has been the one having to field this question. More than once. Some mean it to be mean and others are curious. 

We love children. We love our kids and have always wanted a large family. We as you've read and experienced in recent events aren't able to make that happen. God is still guiding us to adopt. Our hearts and family still feel very much incomplete. 

Since it's full disclosure. We have money. We have money for ourselves. Our bills are paid. There's plenty of food on the table. My children want for nothing. 

But we still struggle. We can't do or get everything that we want. No matter how strong the need or want is. 

It's frustrating that we can't just run out and buy Rob a car when his was totaled last month. We struggle with the fact that we can't just write a check for the adoption should it occur tomorrow. So we're working a budget. Dave Ramsey. We're putting away all we can so we can make these two things happen. My husband is working 6 days a week- 10 hour shifts to help. We miss him more than words and he struggles with will it ever be enough? 

Our debts are: our mortgage, a car payment and one credit card that has a balance of $535. When the tax refund arrives the credit card balance will be paid, the gas for our trip and groceries/restaurant bills will be set aside* and what's left will go towards the adoption fund and a car. (*see below)

God has always given us what we need.  

*Yes we're going to Flordia this summer and will be spending one day at Disney. We have a timeshare. It's costing us $500 for 7 day vacation. We received tickets to Disney as a Christmas present. We're being frugal on our trip. Our goal is to eat out twice during the entire trip not including the day at Disney. Disney's meals are paid for- again we received gift cards for Christmas. We plan on utilizing the resort's amenities that are free being that we are owners. Our condo has an oven, stove and microwave. 

Why am I explaining this to you? Because I know we will be judged. Our timeshare will cost us the same money whether we use it or not. 

So why are we adopting? Because we have an ache in our hearts that longs to be filled. We're obeying God's word. We love family.

It'll be ok.  

The wait will be worth it. 

The struggle will be forgotten. 

Our hearts will be filled. 

And would we do it again? Yes. Without a second thought. Yes.