Pity Party for 1.

I've just been rockin' the baby fever here lately. I know the cure but it's not our turn. Yet. Waiting is hard especially in the day and age when everything is so instant and past paced. Another kicker? We received formula samples in the mail this week. Originally meant for Joanna. I miss being pregnant with all the little kicks and hick ups. Everything is so scary. I miss the days of my first pregnancy when I was naïve and everything was perfect. Nothing has been the same since. Even adoption is extremely stressful. I had a feeling we'd be matched by now and have our perfect little bit in our arms by now and Joanna would be due in a month and a half. Sigh. I guess this has turned into more of a pity party post which I don't want it to be. 

So I find myself reminding myself: 

Excerpt from my devotional February 1st "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. Thank you so much to a friend who shared this with me at work. I went out and bought the devotional for a friend and myself the very same day. Everyday has spoken to me. It's been a real blessing. 

Partial notes from let week's sermon.  I'm learning new and new. I pray God has sent us angels and they are helping us and watching over those in need tonight. ❤️

Money. I hate it.

It stings, it's harsh and there's no way to take it back once it's been said. "So if you don't have any money for yourselves then why are you adopting?"

My husband has been the one having to field this question. More than once. Some mean it to be mean and others are curious. 

We love children. We love our kids and have always wanted a large family. We as you've read and experienced in recent events aren't able to make that happen. God is still guiding us to adopt. Our hearts and family still feel very much incomplete. 

Since it's full disclosure. We have money. We have money for ourselves. Our bills are paid. There's plenty of food on the table. My children want for nothing. 

But we still struggle. We can't do or get everything that we want. No matter how strong the need or want is. 

It's frustrating that we can't just run out and buy Rob a car when his was totaled last month. We struggle with the fact that we can't just write a check for the adoption should it occur tomorrow. So we're working a budget. Dave Ramsey. We're putting away all we can so we can make these two things happen. My husband is working 6 days a week- 10 hour shifts to help. We miss him more than words and he struggles with will it ever be enough? 

Our debts are: our mortgage, a car payment and one credit card that has a balance of $535. When the tax refund arrives the credit card balance will be paid, the gas for our trip and groceries/restaurant bills will be set aside* and what's left will go towards the adoption fund and a car. (*see below)

God has always given us what we need.  

*Yes we're going to Flordia this summer and will be spending one day at Disney. We have a timeshare. It's costing us $500 for 7 day vacation. We received tickets to Disney as a Christmas present. We're being frugal on our trip. Our goal is to eat out twice during the entire trip not including the day at Disney. Disney's meals are paid for- again we received gift cards for Christmas. We plan on utilizing the resort's amenities that are free being that we are owners. Our condo has an oven, stove and microwave. 

Why am I explaining this to you? Because I know we will be judged. Our timeshare will cost us the same money whether we use it or not. 

So why are we adopting? Because we have an ache in our hearts that longs to be filled. We're obeying God's word. We love family.

It'll be ok.  

The wait will be worth it. 

The struggle will be forgotten. 

Our hearts will be filled. 

And would we do it again? Yes. Without a second thought. Yes. 

Up and at'em

We are wide awake this morning! 6a for me and my buddy shuffled down the steps at 6:30. In that 30 minutes I've managed to get the bathroom and back hall picked up as well as started a load of laundry. I love the feeling of a clean house! 

This evening we're going to attempt to leave the kids with a babysitter other than family. The kids are old enough now and aren't requiring any medications that aren't simple to administer so we're going to give it a whirl. The kids of course are excited! We are too. Just hoping my picks are still available as I hadn't made up my mind until this morning. 

We've decided to set a date for late June/early July to complete our Both Hands project. So hopefully planning won't be that stressful. 

Have a great Saturday!